Burden.

WEnt to Dan's party and it seemed like it was gonna be funner than parties where they serve alkyhol. I'm not sure what happened, I only stayed 15 minutes and when I said by he was like, "Did you have ice cream" and I didn't have the heart to say no, so I was just like, "THE M&M'S WERE GREAT!!" which was an absolute truth, though not the one he was looking to hear. I feel really sad because Dan seemed so genuinely glad that we were there, even after we handed over the candy toppings me and Boogie-Down Nicole bought for the party.

Before that I watched the second season of Australia's Next Top Model on YouTube and it was really fun. It's really different. Like I don't think they used the word "fierce" once. But the girls were really interesting and really pretty.

I haven't been doing so good to be honest. My dad got two tickets today. He didn't do anything bad, the police officers were just trying to fill their quotas, and they took advantage of my parents because they don't know English. For some reason that made me break down a bit and worry that my dad might be deported, or something. Not that he's an illegal. It's just that the system has a way to make you miserable like that is all.

I haven't been doing much but watching a lot of TV and YouTube. (I actually re-signed up for YouTube, though I'll handle myself differently this time, promise.) Me and Boogie-Down Nicole went to the public library, Donnell, and we geeked out. A lot. I actually haven't listened to the Asha Bhosle album I borrowed just yet, but I did watch A Mighty Wind. I cried a lot during "A Kiss at the End of the Rainbow". I don't know why. That song just has that effect on me. I also watched Texas Ranch House because I like those dumb "reality shows" that PBS puts on.

I took a 30-minutes-turned-to-2-hours nap that involved a horrible dream that it was February of Spring semester and even though I'd been working hard, the projects were piling up. I think I had something for like Spanish. I actually had a paper due for Calculus coming up. I haven't taken math since high school, so I don't know where that came from. I'd gotten my midterm grades and I'd gotten B's in the rest of my classes, but in Calculus I got a fucking C and I was feeling really awful. Pure worry in my dream. At the same time I was only half asleep and I was trying to pull myself awake, but I was so so exhausted I didn't have the power to do that, even. It was sad. I just kept feeling this intense worry. When I finally woke up, I just felt ashamed and sad and confused. I just couldn't believe I'd let go and fallen asleep for two hours when I'd only planned for 30 dumb minutes. Wonder if this dream is a sign. If I'm going to fail my classes.

I wasn't gonna link no more of these dumb videos, but this one's actually pretty good. And really 80s.